My great-great-great and even greater than that, Uncle “Flashpowder” Shayne covered the Civil War with the Matthew Brady outfit. It’s little known that Brady did hardly any of the actual photography he’s credited with, opting instead for hanging around the safety of New York (it really was back then), bemoaning the recent influx of Middle Eastern carriage drivers and sending out teams of photographers in covered dark room wagons bearing his name.
“Flashpowder” got his nickname for always being at the ready with enough of the combustible powder used to light a camera shot in the 1800’s. He even wore an extra vial of white powder around his neck, though exactly why, apparently no one but he knew. Flash was one of Brady’s best paparazzi in the great man’s
process celebre of the moment – the new invention in photography by Louis Daguerre - the Daguerreotype - not so much because of his finesse and artful eye through the lens but being the only one who could pronounce daguerreotype.
This talent got Flash a lot of assignments while leading his fellow photographers to wail why Brady couldn’t have hooked up with Fremont Polaroid, instead.
But pronunciation wasn’t Flash’s only aptitude. He was also a brilliant master of disguise, a gift which enabled him to pass through enemy lines virtually unnoticed, bringing back pictures no other northern photo-journalist could.
These rare photos depict Flash's impersonation of Robert E. Lee and still another, Abraham Lincoln. In the latter, a willing thespian from the company units drama club adding spice to the portrayal by pretending to reach for his shoulder holster a'la John Wilkes Booth. An enlisted man present for the portrait wrote home, "a hearty laugh was had by all in attendance!"
It was in early spring of 1865, that Flash was assigned to a campaign never to appear in the pages of history, taking place far on the outskirts of Appomattox between rival commanders Major General Bushleague K. Sizemore and General Major G. K. “Hotcha” Kornblow.
What’s more, “Flashpowder” was unwittingly destined to become the key perpetrator.
Knowing the Civil War was about to end its five year run and most probably headed for syndication, Kornblow was anxious that in all that time he’d never had a victory worth any notable press, like his fellow commanders Sheridan and Lee. He wanted to be remembered in this war in the worst way and he was willing to go to any cost to accomplish it. Kornblow wanted a
big finish, he wanted
press coverage for it and time was running short.
Kornblow’s problem was not that he wasn’t a brilliant military strategist (he wasn’t) but that in a fateful draw of the cards, he had been assigned to defend a parcel of ground right outside Lake Crawdad in U-Turn, Virginia. A place so dull even in wartime, that one night the tide went out on the lake and never came back.
Fortunately “Hotcha” and Brady had attended prep school together in their gilded youth, where Brady had acquired the nickname “Stinky” for reasons better not delved into here.
“Hotcha” sent ole “Stinky” a telegram asking him to please send a photo wagon to his outpost “if he really wants to see something!” and if Brady had any second thoughts about the matter to remember that episode back in school with the Dean’s wife and the marmalade.
After much huffing and oaths of “extortion” his old photographer friend complied with his request and sent Flashpowder.
Packing his equipment in the dark room wagon, along with his box of disguises and his faithful Indian assistant, Flash headed for the last Union outpost on the Confederate border, there entertaining the men on Talent Night with his celebrated impression of Abraham Lincoln, before assuming the job-related role of a nattily attired, gay (trust me, it meant the same back then) rebel officer. After receiving a rousing send-off into enemy territory by the company’s military band, Flash headed south. (
Pictured: Top)
For cigarette money along the way, Flash was not above capitalizing on the Brady name by taking snapshots of people wanting a memento from the Civil War, as shown here with crowd waiting outside the darkroom tent.
And here, Flash’s faithful Indian aide is seen delivering a snapshot to J. Collins of Boca Raton, Fla.
Back in U-Turn, now that the stage was set for Kornblow’s big moment, the problem remained as to what exactly that big moment would be. In the unprecedented dullness of his situation, Kornblow had his men keeping busy on meaningless tasks, the most impressive being a 50 foot look out tower designed to spy approaching enemy troops. Since no enemy would be caught dead or otherwise in U-Turn, it was a truly a case of busy-work raised to monumental proportions. However, the men did find that on a clear night they could pick up Cedar Rapids.
(Depicted Left: Bushleague K. Sizemore preserving the moment in which he overcame the mechanics of opening his folding chair.)
Many miles away, Sizemore’s outfit found themselves similarly bored and the commander kept them busy policing the grounds, the mystified unit unable to figure out how debris kept piling up outside the rec room as if dropping from the sky.
Then, in a desperate evening over his third mint julep, G.K. “Hotcha” Kornblow had his revelation! In every Civil War picture he’d ever seen someone was blowing up a railroad train on a trestle. It was sure-fire history book stuff. He would have the biggest “blowing up a train on a trestle” ever staged, and what’s more Bushleague Sizemore and his entire regiment would be on it!
He was gleefully cackling at his own cleverness when his second in command reminded him there not only was no nearby trestle but not even a river to cross one with.
“Hotcha” wickedly snorted over his drink, “That’s why
I make four dollars a month!
Confederate!”
He explained to his dubious second that if the men could spend their time aimlessly building a look-out tower, digging a riverbed and putting a trestle over it should be a piece of cornpone! And the coup de grace (a term he’d picked up from Louis Daguerre) would be the arriving Flashpowder Shayne and his Abe Lincoln impersonation. One thing he knew for sure about Ole Bushleague, he could never resist a good Honest Abe routine! He’d invite Sizemore and his outfit over for a performance, all transportation paid for by rail and they’d have to come across his trestle!
It was simply too brilliant to fail!
Later that night at the Thursday Quilting Bee, Kornblow casually dropped the suggestion to the men who were, understandably since the completion of the tower, ecstatic.
The bored troops itching for activity, in no time at all the river was dug, the trestle was up, wired with explosives and engraved invitations with first-class railroad tickets sent out. As “Hotcha” expected Bushleague’s reply was swift and enthusiastic.
(Depicted Below: "The Secret River Digging and Train Trestle Project" in progress. So named by Kornblow to discourage prying eyes.)
The night of Flash’s scheduled performance the entire company trained eagle eyes on the trestle, straining to hear any sound of an oncoming train, “Hotcha” Kornblow’s impatient hands fidgeting over the dynamite plunger.
Suddenly from the woods behind them came the laughing voices of Bushleague Sizemore and his entire regiment!
What had foiled such a perfect plan?“Hotcha” listened dumbfounded as his rival explained how his men had all voted to cash in the first class railroad tickets for steerage passage on a frigate, thus saving enough money to bring along three extra kegs of beer.
The chuckling Bushleague also said that he knew they were going to love the performance and afterward, since they were all here anyway, they might as well just capture Kornblow’s unit and everyone could call it a productive day.
Reportedly “Hotcha” became so despondent over this military failure, he retired from army life, proposing to his second in command,their marriage ceremony being the last military honors ever bestowed upon him. It was rumored the two later settled down to a comfortable life as proprietors of a roadside hot roasted peanut stand.
Depicted Left: Kornblow Proposes
Depicted Below: The marriage ceremony attended by former enemies, now all brothers under one flag.
Flashpowder returned to New York with some of the best notices of his career and even got to perform his imitation before Lincoln himself, who had little comment other than stating Flash wore his mole on the wrong side of his face.
Today the famous trestle stands as an historic site over a dried-out river bed known as Kornblow’s Krossing just outside U-Turn.
Dried-out riverbed you ask? Yes,my children.
Seems the tide went out on the river one night, and it too decided not to come back.
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